You Are My Constant
by darling-everythingsonfire-x
Summary: Lily didn't know how it had happened, exactly. All she knew was that it had crept up on her slowly, gradually. How many times had she told him to bugger off, and now all she wanted was for him to be with her, next to her. She listened for his footsteps at night, showing that he was coming back to the Heads' common room. Oh, yes. Lily Evans was hopelessly in love with James Potter.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** This is the updated chapter one. Enjoy. If you're new to this story and are curious as to what the chapter was before, send me a PM and I'll get it to you. :)  
Reviews would be lovely.  
Also, I don't swear, so this fic will have very little swearing in it. It's rather odd for me to write it at all. xD  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter. ;)  
** Summary:** She didn't know how it had happened, exactly. All she knew was that it had crept up on her slowly, gradually, until it was consuming her. How many times had she told him to bugger off and leave her be, and now all she wanted was for him to be with her, next to her. She listened for his footsteps at night, showing that he was coming back to the Heads' common room.  
Oh, yes. Lily Evans was hopelessly in love with James Potter.

**Chapter One. You Are My Constant.**

_September 1st_

"Are you quite sure you have everything, Lily?" my mum asks me for the fortieth time today. It's September 1st and I'm about to board the Hogwarts Express, but before I can do that I have to deal with the water works. In other words, my crying mother. Now don't get me wrong, I love my parents dearly, but what seventeen year old wants to deal with sobbing parents in front of all of her friends?

"Yes, mum," I say, sighing in exasperation and rolling my eyes. My father chuckles and Petunia glares. Mum engulfs me in a teary hug and squeezes me before holding me out at arm's length and inspecting me. "Well," she says looking me up and down. "You look pretty, Lily-love. Be good, owl us as often as you can, and do well in your classes. Your father and I are so proud of you." She frowns as if she's forgetting something. Knowing mum, she probably has, but she's shaking her head and moving away and then I'm wrapped up in the arms of my dad.

"Stay safe, button," he whispers in my ear. He pulls back and smiles at me. "And do write us, Lils. Your mother will have a fit if you don't." Mum smacks his arm and he grins at her. Disgustingly sweet, those two. I shake my head at them and laugh.

I turn to Petunia, who's looking anywhere but at me and twirling a flat brown curl around her finger. She's bored and probably wishes she was with that walrus of a boyfriend of her's, _Vernon_. I personally can't stand him and am curious as to what possessed my sister to agree to date the fat lug. I give Tuney a quick hug and she freezes up. "Bye Tuney," I say loudly.

She sniffs and brushes her perfectly pressed clothes off as if I've contaminated them. "_Freak,_" she hisses at me. I pretend not to hear her.

"Goodbye," I say quietly, looking at my family with a small smile. I'm used to the goodbyes, but this one is exceptionally bittersweet for me; it's the last time I'll board the train and leave for Hogwarts. I feel the tears prickling in my eyes as I turn and push through the barrier into Platform Nine-and-three-quarters.

I breathe in deeply, savoring the moment. I'm not really paying attention to where I'm going, so it's not a surprise when I run into someone. They've fallen flat on their face and I hold my hand out to help them up. They (or rather he, because it _is_ a he. At least I think he is. If he's a girl then he's a very tall girl with a very masculine body. Rather creepy if you ask me. Maybe she's a Slytherin. It wouldn't surprise me a bit if she was. Of course, I don't even know if she's really a she yet. Blimey. This is difficult.) takes my hand (I guess she's not a Slytherin. _They_wouldn't accept help from a Muggleborn.) and pulls themselves up.

I'm just about to apologize when I see who I tripped. It _is_a boy. In fact, it happens to be the boy I dislike more than anyone else. James Potter. "Oh," I say. "It's you." I glare my special 'reserved for Potter and Petunia' glare at him.

"Evans," he says, nodding to me. He's grinning. Lovely. I'll bet he's about to ask me to-

"Go out with me, Evans?"

I blink and then glare some more. _So predictable, Potter._"No, Potter," I say scathingly. "I will not go out with you. In fact, I'd rather date the Giant Squid than go out with you."

I turn on my heel and drag my trunk off the trolley and up into the train.

"Alice," I whine (Yes, Lily Anne Evans whines. Don't judge me. You would too if you were talking about Potter.) to my best friend as we search for a compartment. "He's absolutely unbearable. I can't stand him."

Alice rolls her eyes. "You know, Lils. From the way you talk about him and how often you talk about him, one would think you actually _like_James Potter." She states it calmly, as if she did not just suggest that I like that the biggest prat in the history of the universe.

Perhaps you're thinking, "Lily, isn't that a bit melodramatic?" Well, it's not. When I say that James Potter is the biggest prat ever, it's one hundred percent truth. I'm not even joking.

I stand there, gaping at Alice. She slides open a compartment and smiles at me. "I won't tell anyone, Lils." She winks at me and drags her trunk into the compartment. I follow, still flabbergasted at my supposed best friend's accusations. Wasn't she supposed to know me better than anyone else?

Alice has _clearly_not read up on her duties as my best friend, number one being 'Never suggest that Lily Anne Evans likes James Potter.' I'll have to give her the friendship manual again and force her to read it. We wouldn't want another lapse in her sanity anytime soon.

I bite my finger nails (my worst habit) and stretch out on the bench in our compartment (my second worst habit: being lazy) and look at Alice intently. I suppose there should be signs of one's best mate going mad. I'd better keep a close eye on her just to make sure. She could be going to the dark side of things. This is bad. Very, very bad.

I keep staring at her and she stares back. "Is there something on my face, Lils?"

"Nope," I say, popping the 'p'.

She raises an eyebrow. "Then may I ask why you're staring at me?"

I ignore her question, clearly she doesn't see the folly in her earlier statements about my supposed crush on Potter. I decide to ask my own question in response to hers. "Have you read the manual lately?"

She looks at me like I'm insane, which I probably am, but that's beside the point. "What manual?"

Apparently she hasn't read it at all. "Um, never mind," I say.

Alice's gives me a look that clearly shows she thinks I'm mental. I don't mind one bit. I probably am a bit mental, but most of the best people are, so naturally I am. Drat, that sounds as egotistical as Potter. What am I turning into?!

I rub my eyes blearily as the compartment door slides open. Potter and his little band of followers have decided to crash our compartment. Joy. As if my train ride needed anymore excitement. Not that the thought of Potter excites me. Quite the contrary, actually. Potter bores me to death. I put my glare back on.

"Ladies," says Sirius Black. "The party has now begun." He grins and shakes his shaggy black hair. Some girls would kill for Sirius' hair. I am not one of them. I prefer my own red hair, thank-you-very-much. He thinks it looks cool when he shakes it around (just like Potter thinks it looks cool when he runs his fingers though his) but it doesn't it just makes him look like a dog. Irony, perhaps? Sirius is the Dog Star, after all. Maybe his parents had a bit of insight into his later life.

I turn this over in my mind, ignoring the other Marauders. I'm only brought back from my thoughts of Sirius Black's hair (I sound just like one of his fangirls now. I'm not. I swear. I would rather die than join the fan club of any of the Marauders, however gorgeous their hair might be.) when my legs are picked up and dumped unceremoniously over the edge of my seat. The rest of my body follows my legs.

"Don't mind if I sit here, do you, Evans?" asks Black as he makes himself comfortable on my bench, stretching out over the entire thing.

I glare. "Black," I say as I clench my jaw. "You are in my seat." My words are carefully punctuated and there's a slight pause in between each of them. I'm getting mad, which is nothing new when I'm around the Marauders. The beginning of this year has been just lovely already. Please note the sarcasm.

Black shrugs and looks down at me from the bench. "I don't see your name on it." He winks at his mates, who are sitting normally on the other bench with Alice. Except for Pettigrew, he's on the floor eating Bertie Bott's.

My face must be turning red from the force of my scowl. Alice seems to sense that I'm about to explode because she scoots over on her bench and pat the space next to her. I scowl at her too. The space is right next to Potter. She's planned this. It must be a plot.

I grumble as I sit down next to Potter. I as scoot as far away from Potter as I can. I can feel him looking down at me. Curses upon being short. I turn and glare up at her, while Alice shifts uncomfortably next to me.

"Um, Lils?" she says. "Would you mind giving me some more space? I'm literally pressed against the window. I turn my scowl on her. She smiles innocently. Yup, definitely planned this.

I hate her. I really, really do. I really hate her.

I definitely need a new best friend. Preferably one who does not doubt my intense hate of Potter. Pretty much any other girl would do. Too bad Marlene graduated last year. She would have made a nice makeshift best friend. Humph. I guess I'm stuck with Alice.

I move over a few inches. My leg is right next to Potter's and they're almost touching. I yawn. Being angry at your best mate takes a lot of energy. My eyelids are getting heavy, but I don't realize that I've fallen asleep until I'm being shaken awake later on.

I frown and snuggle down into my mattress. "Not now, mum," I mumble groggily. "Five more minutes."

There's laughter around me and I open one eye. I'm not at home. I'm not in my own snuggly warm bed. I'm most definitely not being woke up by my mother. No, I'm on the Hogwarts Express, sprawled across Potter, and being poked in the stomach by Alice. We've arrived at the Hogsmeade station.

I do what any normal person would do upon finding out that they slept on the biggest prat in the world: I screamed. Loudly. Potter, Alice, and the others winced as I probably broke their eardrums.

"ALICE!" I shout. She smiles innocently. I have no words. I simply gather up my belongings and stomp out of the compartment. My escape would have been completely amazing had I not realized that I had forgotten my trunk.

I stalked back into the compartment and yanked my trunk out behind me, ignoring the snickering laughter of my so-called best mate and worst enemies. Today has _not _been my day at all.

* * *

Alice joins me at the Sorting. She scoots next to me on the bench and leans over, whispering in my ear, "I'm sorry, you know." I ignore her, clapping politely for a new Ravenclaw.

Alice nudges me with her elbow and I turn my evil eye on her. "Alice," I say calmly. "Would you care to explain to me just _what_part of letting me sleep on Potter sounded like a good idea?" She freezes.

"Well," she begins, much louder than necessary. I'm sure people on the other side of the world can hear her. "I just thought that it might give you some time to discover you hidden feelings for one James Potter." In the mostly quiet hall, Alice's voice sounds like it's yelling. I cringe.

Professor McGonagall looks at us severely. "As fascinating as Miss Evans feelings for Mr. Potter are, we're in the middle of a Sorting, ladies, and your conversation can wait for the feast."

I turn redder than red. Curses on being a redhead; it makes one's blushes really stand out. I smack Alice upside the head and refuse to look up from the table. Odd, I never realized just how interesting the wood grain is. Alice sniggers.

I can feel eyes watching me from across the room and look up, still incredibly embarrassed. That was worse than when Potter would ask me out in front of everyone. Now he probably thinks I actually - cringe - like him. From across the Great Hall, I meet the eyes of Snape. I send a glare his way and look back down. My ex-best friend. My heart hurts a little and I continue my extensive study of the wood grain.

* * *

The Sorting is finally over and I look up at Dumbledore, who is opens the feast. The food appears on the tables and I dig in, scooping a large pile of mashed potatoes onto my plate. I take some of the sliced turkey and two rolls and then begin to eat. I'm starved. Again, being mad at your best mate takes quite a bit of energy. Good thing it doesn't happen every day. If it did, I would be in a constant state of hunger and weigh much more than I should. I help myself to more potatoes. The food here at Hogwarts tastes amazing, especially on the first night back. Must be the magic.

As the feast comes to a close, Dumbledore stands up, "To all the new students here at Hogwarts, welcome, and to those who are returning, welcome back! Before we conclude the feast, allow me to simply state the rules. As always, the Forbidden Forest is just that: forbidden. Mr. Filch has posted a list of contraband items. I would encourage you to look over it to refresh your memory. Remember that these are dark times, but hope is not lost. Rather, now is the time when we need hope and friendship even more than before. Not all is lost if we still have hope," he says quietly and then continues. "Also, if Mr. James Potter and Miss Lily Evans would stay after the feast, it would be most appreciated. Thank you." The twinkle returns to Dumbledore's eyes and he returns to his seat.

I hyperventilate. "Alice," I hiss.

She looks at me and says coolly, "Ah, back to speaking to me, are we?"

I stick my tongue out and continue in a panic, "If this is about what you said during the Sorting, I'll gut you."

Alice rolls her eyes at me, "Do you seriously think that _Dumbledore_would get involved with your crush on James?" I stare at her. She's not joking anymore. She really does think that I like Potter. I wonder who Obliviated her. Clearly this is not my best mate of nearly seven years. My best mate of nearly seven years would know that I want nothing more than for Potter to drop off a cliff and die.

Well, maybe that's a little harsh. I guess I just want him to move to Antarctica and live with little penguins and leave me alone.

Dinner finished entirely too fast for my liking and I find myself walking to the Staff Table. I don't look at Potter and I don't look at Dumbledore. I stare at the floor. Huh, the stones are almost as interesting as the table...

"Now," begins Dumbledore. I look up. "I'm sure you're wondering why I've asked you to stay." He looks at the both of us and smiles, eyes twinkling. This is not good. He's going to ask us about our relationship. Or lack thereof. I'm sure Potter would be more than happy to inform everyone that he was dating me. But he's not. Nor will he ever have the opportunity to brag about dating me, because _I WILL NEVER DATE POTTER_.

There. I mentally cross my arms and stick my tongue out at the two of them. Juvenile, yes, but incredibly satisfying.

Potter's nodding, so I do too. "Yes, sir," I say.

Dumbledore claps his hands together, "Well, Mr. Potter and Miss Evans, in an attempt to answer all of your questions at once, you have been chosen to lead your fellow students this year. You are Head Boy and Girl." He winks at the two of us. "Your new common and bedrooms are behind the portrait of Ug the Unreliable. The password is 'duty'. I trust that you, unlike Ug, will be reliable and responsible in your duties." He nods to us and then leaves.

I stand there dumbstruck. Did he just say that I, Lily Anne Evans, am Head Girl? My speechlessness is replaced by fits of giggles. This is the best joke the Marauders have ever played on me. Getting Dumbledore in on it was a stroke of brilliance. I hold my stomach as I laugh and my eyes stream. This is not happening. Why in the world would anyone make Potter and I Heads? We'll kill each other within the first few meetings.

I look up at Potter in between giggles and say, "Good prank, Potter. I'm genuinely amused for once." I wipe at my eyes.

He looks bewildered. "What do you mean, good prank? I didn't do this!"

I raise an eyebrow, "Sure you didn't." With the incident on the train and then Alice's declaration at dinner, I'm in no mood to deal with Potter's immaturity. He's getting on more than my nerves. Suddenly I'm very tired. I yawn and wander out of the Great Hall in the direction of the Gryffindor Tower. I need Alice.

* * *

I find Alice in our usual dorms. She has all of her things spread out on the floor and is organizing her chest of drawers. Typical Alice, getting unpacked on the first night. I leave it for the next day as I'm normally to tired and stuffed to do it after the feast.

I open the door with a bang. Alice jumps. "Alice," I say dramatically, as I fall backwards onto my bed. "I'm Head Girl according Potter's latest prank. Quite brilliant really. Dumbledore even helped with..." I trail off when I catch a glimpse of Alice's face. She's looking at me like I've grown a second head or perhaps a third arm.

She continues to stare at me. "Um, Lils?"

I close my eyes and make a noncommittal noise in the back of my throat.

Alice comes and sits next to me on the edge of my bed. "Maybe, Lils," she says cautiously. "Maybe this wasn't a prank. Think about it, Dumbledore always talks to the new Head Boy and Girl after the feast." She pats my arm and shakes her head, short blonde hair bouncing. I've always liked Alice's hair...

Sheesh. What is it with me and hair today? First Sirius' and now Alice's. I really need to get over this weird fascination with other people's hair.

"Lily, I really think that this wasn't a prank. You're the best choice for the job and Potter, well, Potter's a leader and Quidditch captain, so he's a natural choice as well." Alice gives me a small smile. "And besides. Your trunk isn't even in here and I'm willing to bet it's in the Head's dorms."

I open my eyes. Strange. My trunk _isn't_in here. I groan and sit up. "You really think I'm Head Girl?"

Alice nods.

I fall back on the bed. Seventh year just got a billion times more hectic. "Bloody hell."

* * *

**AN: **The next updated chapter will be posted sometime later this week. :)  
Today's date: 8/7/12


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **Hullo.  
I apologize for the tardiness of this chapter. It's been a long week. At first I was going to go to AZ to spend some time with my grandparents and then that idea got shot down when we realized I still have to have the labs drawn. So instead of a much needed vacation, I get to go to the doctor again. Lovely trade off, right? ;) And school starts again in two weeks. I have elevenish classes this year (not just this semester. All year long. And I take the SAT and ACT this spring and I'm doing early applications next summer. I'm absolutely thrilled to be a junior.). Kill me now.  
This chapter's kinda slow, but it's necessary for the plot. You'll see later on. ;)  
Anyhow, this is the rewrite of chapter two. Again, if you would like to read the original chapter, PM me and I'll send it to you.  
Enjoy and reviews would be awesome.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter.

* * *

**Chapter Two: You Are My Constant**

I roll over and bury my head under my pillow. "Alice," I groan. "Close the drapes." When nobody answers me, I poke my head out and open one eye. A bright turquoise wall greets me. That's odd. Normally the walls are red and gold in the dorms. I open both eyes and sit up. This is not the Gryffindor girls dorm room. There aren't any makeup and hair supplies on the vanity. There are no clothes littering the floor and there are no other beds.

I flop back and squeeze my eyes shut. It wasn't a horrible nightmare then. I really am Head Girl. I stare at the ceiling and pray that I won't mess everything up. Between rounds, prefect meetings, NEWTs, and Potter, this year is going to jam packed with nothing but horrid things.

Head Girl or not, I will not be late to classes on the first day. My conscience wouldn't approve of it. Neither would Alice.

I push my covers off and rummage through my chest of drawers for a clean uniform and then open the door into my bathroom. My hair looks like something nested in it last night. I quickly shed my outer garments and step into the shower. When the steam has completely fogged up the glass door, I step out and towel off. I put my uniform on and brush my teeth. I apply a small bit of makeup and perform a hair drying charm on my hair. I stare at myself in the mirror for a bit before deciding that I look decent at least.

Lovely. Time for breakfast.

* * *

The Great Hall is packed when I get there. It's loud and everyone is obnoxiously perky despite it being the first day of lessons. I'm not in the best of moods today and the loudness is going to give me a headache. I glower at a first year who runs into me while waving his wand around. He could poke someone's eye out with that thing.

I stomp my way down the hall and plunk myself into the first open seat I see, not caring who else is sitting around me. I pull the platter of chocolate chip pancakes towards me and help myself to three of them. I add strawberries, whipped cream, and syrup.

"Evans," says an amused voice. "I understand you're hungry, but that's James' seat."

I look up at the grinning Sirius and fix him with my darkest glare. "Black," I say. "I don't care if it's the bloody Queen of England's seat. I'm sitting here and I'm eating my pancakes and I am _not_ moving." I pick up my fork and dig in to my mountain of food.

Sirius shrugs. "Suit yourself, Lils."

I nearly choke on my mouthful of chocolatey goodness. Remus pounds me on the back and I manage to clear my throat. "_What _did you call me?"

The ever infuriating Sirius Black smiles innocently, "Nothing, Lily-flower."

I glare and stab another forkful of food. With the exception of Remus, the Marauders are entirely insufferable. Next time I come down late to breakfast I will be checking carefully to make sure that there are no mischief makers around me.

I deliberately chew slowly while staring at Sirius. He raises his eyebrows and looks pointedly over my head, "Hullo, Prongsie."

I freeze, fork halfway to my mouth. Prongsie is James. James is standing behind me and I'm sitting in his seat. I tilt my head back and look up. He's looking down at me, smiling and running his hand through his hair. "'Ello Lily."

I swallow and grin toothily at him. "Er, hi?"

He looks at Sirius and they have a silent conversation while ignoring my (pitiful) attempt at being cheerful and saying hello. I take another few bites of my pancakes and then look up again. Potter's watching me in amusement as I eat. I frown at him in confusion (what's so funny about me eating?) and he laughs at me. It's a deep throaty sort of laughter and I giggle unsure of what I'm giggling at. Oh gosh. I'm giggling at James Potter. I'm turning into one of his fangirls.

My appetite is gone.

I stand up abruptly and pick up my school bag. "Well, boys," I say. "This has been quite fun, but I'm going to go to lessons now." I turn around. Right into James Potter's chest. I didn't realize just how close he was standing behind me and I almost lose my balance, but Potter catches me as I'm falling. "Er, thanks, Potter."

He's still holding me well after I've regained my balance. "Um, Potter?" I say. "Get. Your. Hands. Off. Of. Me." James Potter actually blushes and Sirius nearly falls off of the bench he's laughing so hard. Potter gives him a hard stare over my head and the laughing becomes muffled. I would _Silencio_ him if I spent as much time with him as Potter and Remus do.

Potter lets go of me. "Oh! Right. Um, off you go," Potter says, making a shooing motion with his hands.

I roll my eyes and walk off. Somehow I'm in a better mood than I was before breakfast. It must be the chocolate chip pancakes.

I meet up with Alice on the way to my first class of the day: Defense Against the Dark Arts. She was headed in the same direction on her way to Arithmancy. "So, Lils," she says smirking at me. "I saw that you sat with Sirius and the rest of the Marauders this morning. Anything you'd like to share?"

Foul mood has returned.

"Yes, Alice," I say shortly. "I want to tell you how I'm secretly in a relationship with Sirius' hair and it's getting even more serious." I roll my eyes and stomp off, leaving Alice standing dumbstruck in the middle of the corridor.

Somehow I manage to be the last person to arrive at the classroom. The Professor stops speaking as the door opens and I grimace out a smile. "Hello, Professor."

The Professor says nothing, but jerks his head in the direction of the desks. I spot an open on in the third row and slip into it as quietly as I can and drop my bag next to it. It makes a loud _thunk! _I wince at the sound. Oops? I earn a glare from the Professor, who has followed me to the desk and tapping his foot impatiently.

"Well, miss Head Girl," he snaps. "Would you care to share with the class where exactly you've been for the past -" he looks at the clock "- seven and a half minutes?"

"You see, Professor, there was this first year who was lost on her way to Herbology, so I was giving her directions," I make up a lie on the spot. A good one too, if you ask me. Firsties are always getting lost during the first few weeks. I give the new professor my more innocent smile. He looks at me skeptically and I pull out my textbook, ignoring the sniggering laughter of the person next to me. Of course it would be Black. "What page were we on, Professor?"

"Humph." He walks back to the front of the room and writes 'Professor Mortimer Leech' across the top of it with the chalk. "As I was saying earlier, class, my name is Professor Leech. I will be teaching the Defense class this year. We will be having practicals on Fridays only, so be sure to study the theories we go over very well. We wouldn't want any students to get hurt." He sneers. I'm sure he doesn't want any of us hurt, but dead is an entirely different thing. "Open your books to page twenty-seven and take notes on the Unforgivables." He takes a red and blue spotted handkerchief out of his pocket and blows his nose loudly.

I make no move to study the Unforgivables, but rather study our new professor intently. He's an older man, probably in his late fifties, with balding hair and a long lumpy nose. His dress robes are worn and the hems are frayed. He has the spotted handkerchief in his front pocket and a rather expensive looking chain is around his neck. He looks up and meets my eyes. "Don't you have notes to take, Miss Evans?"

I turn red and ignore the muffled laughter of Sirius Black. I flip my book open and read about the properties of the Cruciatus Curse. It's boring really. I mean, we covered all of this in fourth year. I stare idly at my paper and draw little stick figures and charm them to move with my

"Are those notes, Evans?" asks Black. He's mocking me now. I glare. He holds his hands up as if he's innocent of some great crime. "Whoa there, Lily-flower. I'm simply pointing out that drawing mocking pictures of the Professor is wrong and rather rude." He's practically yelling he's talking so loudly.

I glower at him and stand up, knocking my stool over in the process. It clatters to the ground loudly in the silence of the classroom. We have everyone's attention. "What are you playing at, Black?" I say, deadly calm.

He smirks at me and points to my paper. "Those are not notes, missy Head Girl. You're not setting a proper example for the other students." He picks up my papers and waves them around in my face. "Merlin, woman."

"A _proper example_, Black?" I shriek at him. I'm sure I'm quite the sight. Mad red hair standing all on end, wrinkled uniform, and eyes blazing. "You are one to talk about examples! You're the prankster and mischief maker extraordinaire who has over three hundred detentions in the past six years! Why can't you and Potter both GROW UP!" I stamp my foot angrily and grip my wand tightly in my hand. I don't even know how it got there, but I'm definitely mad enough to use it.

Black glares at me from where he's sitting, my notes clenched in his fist. He opens his mouth to speak just as the Professor breaks us up, "ENOUGH!"

We both fall silent and look anywhere but at the Professor. Sirius looks defiant, but I just look ashamed. Sirius is right. I'm a crummy Head Girl.

Professor Leech looks back and forth between the two of us, "Well? What was that about?" He must be hard of hearing too. When we don't answer he continues, "Fine. Detention, both of you. Tonight at eight with Professor Sprout in greenhouse three. Understood?"

We both nod.

He seems to know that no more studying will happen now that his class has been disturbed. "You're all dismissed."

* * *

Contrary to popular belief (coughPottercough), I've had more than my fair share of detentions. After all, I do tend to hex Potter when I get mad. I've had exactly thirty-four detentions in the past six years. Not many compared to the Marauders who appear to be out to set the record for most detentions received in a person's school years. I think they're on a fast track to setting one so high that it's never broken again.

Unless James Potter gets married one day and procreates. That child would be a terror to behold.

Huh. I had been thinking about becoming a professor after graduating, but that puts me off the idea. Who would want to teach James Potter's children? They would be the terror of the entire school - not to mention the staff. Yup, Lily Anne Evans will never be a school teacher.

I think I'll look into the Auror program.

Eight o'clock comes way too fast for my liking. Two and a half hours worth of detention with Sirius Black is not the way I imagined spending the evening after the first day of classes. I skip dinner and sit in the library reading about Gamp's Law of Elemental Transfiguration until it's seven-fifty-three. UNfortunately, Transfiguration happens to be the one class that I do not understand at all. All the information that McGonagall wants me to learn goes in one ear and out the other, but I don't have time to worry about that; I'm late for detention!

I'm breathless when I get to greenhouse three. I literally ran the whole way from the castle to here, where I find a sour faced Filchy who stands there glaring at me while petting that horrid kitten of his, Mrs. Norris.

He watches me while I place my hands on my knees and take huge gulps of air. "Inside with the Professor, missy. There'll be no messin' around here tonight." I stick my tongue out and walk inside while silently laughing at Filch's mutterings about "stringing students up by their toes" and "insolent brats". The old grouch always did want the medieval punishments restored.

Anyhow, Professor Sprout smiles at me when I flop onto one of the stools. "Hello, Miss Evans," she says happily. This woman is always happy. It's insane, really. How does one person manage to constantly be in a good mood? I would go bonkers as a teacher. "Well dear," continues the Professor. "We just need to wait for Mr. Black to get here. Do go get some earmuffs and gloves. He should be here any moment now. He was with Mr. Potter, I believe Minerva said." Her eyes mist over as if she's thinking about something incredibly sad. "A good friend, Mr. Black is."

I raise an eyebrow in curiosity but she doesn't elaborate, simply shaking her head and giving me a sad sort of half smile. Hmm.

Note to self: Look into why Sprout would be sad about Potter. Maybe he ruined her prized Tentacula or something.

I wander around the greenhouse while we wait on Black. I smile as the Devil's Snare creeps up my arm and shine my pocket torch at it. It slithers back and I continue walking, admiring the professor's lovely collection of both dangerous and beautiful plants. I stop by the supplies cabinet on my way back and pick out a pair of gloves, shrinking them a bit with my wand so that they fit. I choose a plain black pair of earmuffs and return to where Professor Sprout is.

I sit on a desk and dangle my legs over the edge of it. It's been fifteen minutes and still no sign of Black. I huff and wait for him to show up.

After a good twenty minutes, Black finally decides to grace us with his presence. I give him a hard stare and wait for Professor Sprout to tell us what our detention will be.

"Tonight, dears," she says. "You will be repotting Mandrakes!"

I pale and glance at Sirius, who's looking at me worriedly. He remembers my _incident _in first year with the Mandrakes. Heck, everyone remembers the incident!

...Everyone except for Professor Sprout, that is.

* * *

_It was a lovely autumn day. The leaves were turning into beautiful red and oranges and beginning to fall. I ran towards the greenhouses and my first Herbology lesson. I was laughing as I entered the classroom and chose a seat at the very front, eager to learn about a Magical plant species._

"_Hullo, class!" said an exuberant Professor Sprout. "Today we'll be learning about and replanting an invaluable addition to the Magical world: Mandrakes! Now. For this lesson I have placed a pair of earmuffs at each place. Once we begin, please put them on and leave them on until class it over, understood?"_

_There was a general murmur of understanding from the class._

_Sprout smiled, "Now. Mandrakes are known for what? Can anyone tell me what happens if we were to pull one out of it's pot?"_

_My hand shot up._

"_Yes, Miss Evans."_

_I smiled, "Mandrakes are known for their crying. A full grown one can kill you, but with these baby Mandrakes, I believe we would only be knocked unconscious for a long time."_

_Sprout nodded, "Very good. Ten points to Gryffindor. Now, class-"_

_She was cut off as the greenhouse door was thrown open and James Potter ran in. "Sorry I'm late, Professor. I had a run in with Peeves."_

_The Professor nodded, although she looked rather annoyed at being interrupted, "Very well, Mr. Potter. As I was saying, please put your earmuffs on now. It's time to begin repotting the plants."_

"_Psst, Evans!"_

_I turned around to face Potter, "What?"_

_James made a face at me, "Sheesh, no need to get your wand in a knot. Can we trade earmuffs?" He held up his pair. They were fluffy and hot pink. I tried - and failed - to hold in my laughter._

"_No, Potter," I whispered back. "If you hadn't been late to class you might have had the chance to pick a better seat with normal muffs. And besides, they would clash horribly with my hair." I put my earmuffs on and faced forwards again._

_I could feel James glaring holes in the back of my head, but did not budge. He needed to learn responsibility and understand that there were consequences for not getting to class on time._

_Professor Sprout demonstrated how to move the wriggling plant from one pot another larger pot and motioned for the class to do the same. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't hear anything. I lifted her Mandrake out of the pot carefully (it was ugly and fat and it's face was puckered up in a loud scream) and -_

_A loud shrieking filled my ears. My eyesight slowly faded to black and I felt herself falling. As I fell, I twisted around and caught a glimpse of James Potter holding my earmuffs, a horrified look on his face._

_When I came to I was in the hospital wing. I groaned and held a a hand up to my forehead and slowly opened my eyes. There was a pile of chocolate frogs on the chair next to my and cards were piled on the little bedside table. Everything was white and there was a curtain drawn around my bed._

_Madam Pomfrey poked her head around the corner as she heard me groaning. "Oh, hello, dear. You're awake."_

_I tried to smile a bit, but it turned out as more of a grimace. "How long have I been here?" I asked rather groggily. My voice sounded strange after not using it for a while._

"_Almost a week, dear," replied the nurse kindly. "Which is very good for a Mandrake victim. You're lucky to still be breathing, Miss Evans. I want you to take it slowly. No classes for at least another day and one more night here in the hospital wing."_

_I frowned, "What about classes? How will I catch up?"_

_Madam Pomfrey smiled, "Not to worry, Miss Evans, Mr. Snape has been bringing you notes from each class. I also suspect that the majority of these sweets are from him." The nurse bustled around fluffing my pillows and filling a glass with water. "I'll bring in a more substantial meal to you a little bit. I'm sure you're hungry, dear."_

* * *

So as you can probably guess, I've had a phobia of Mandrakes ever since that incident in first year. We haven't had a repeat lesson on Mandrakes since then and I've generally avoided the Hospital Wing. Sirius is still glancing at me every so often with a rather concerned look on his face.

"Well, I'll leave you two to it! I want to see at least six Mandrakes repotted when I come back," says Professor Sprout as she leaves and closes the greenhouse door behind her.

I look at Sirius. "There is no way I am repotting those things, Black. I hate them."

He looks at me like he thought I would say something like that and simply nods. "Alright, Evans. This shouldn't take long, so put your earmuffs on and sit back."

I must look shocked that he's actually letting me not do the detention work because he huffs impatiently and plops his own earmuffs on. I hurry and pull mine on before he yanks the wriggling plant out of it's pot by it's top and shoves it into another, large pot and moves the dirt around it. In a little over forty-five minutes, Sirius Black has repotted six of the screaming horror shop plants. I am amazed to say the least. It would have taken me the entire two and a half hours to repot them. An hour to cry and procrastinate and an hour and a half to do the work. Yes, Sirius Black might be a Marauder, but for tonight at least, he's my best friend.

Poor Alice. I wonder how she would feel about losing her title to Sirius. I'll have to get them both a copy of the manual now. Perhaps as a Christmas present...

"So, Evans," says Sirius. "What's your favorite color?"

We're both seated comfortably on the floor of the greenhouse and we have a little over an hour left of detention. We've been playing the question game and so far I know that Sirius like waffle better than pancakes, has never eat squid, and likes to swim in the Great Lake. I've had to tell him that I've never had a proper boyfriend, like Muggle cheese puffs, and dislike Wizarding music.

"Turquoise," I say. "Like in my room now. It's so pretty."

He looks me up and down and says, "I saw you as a pink sort of person, Lily-flower, not turquoise. Are you sure you don't like pink?"

I stare at him, trying to decide if he's being serious or not. I suppose he is. "Pink," I say slowly, as though I'm speaking to a small child. I think this must be how the professors feel when they're talking to Black and Potter. "Pink clashes with my hair, Black. It just doesn't go well. I should know." I shake my head and laugh a bit. "I had my heart set on painting my bedroom pink when I was little. My parents tried to reason with me, but I just wouldn't hear of it. They gave in, of course, and my room was painted pink. It looked horrible and I still have to live with it every summer." I shake my head. "Definitely not pink."

Black looks unconvinced. "Sure, Evans." "Why do you do that, Black? Switch back and forth between calling me Lily-flower and Evans?"

He looks rather confused. It's a cute look for him.

Wait...did I just call Sirius Black cute? I meant it's a demented look on him and that he really needs to cut it out as soon as possible. It's horrible and -

Who am I kidding?

Sirius Black looks cute. I admit it.

I think my world just spontaneously combusted.

Of course, Black doesn't know about my internal conflict and is answering my question while I wage war with his irritating cuteness. "Well, Evans," he says. "I guess it's because you call me by my surname that I call you by yours." Huh. Impeccable logic there. "I can't argue with you on that one, Sirius." I flash a small smile at him.

"Ya know, Lils," he says. "You're not so bad. I can see what Prongs likes about you." His eyes are twinkling.

Uh-oh. Twinkling is bad. Very bad when it's a Marauder's eyes doing the twinkling.

"All this leads me to my next questions, Lils. Why are you so set on hating James?"

I open and close my mouth rapidly. Like a cod fish. "I - er - well." I sigh in resignation. I don't necessarily want to tell Sirius about my hate of Potter. I'd really like to go one conversation without talking about him. I settle for saying, "He's a prat."

Sirius gives me the same sad sort of smile that Sprout gave me earlier in regards to Potter. "I think you'll find that he's grown up quite a bit, Lily.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **I am so sorry for not getting this up sooner. School is in full swing, I've been getting ready for a 5k race in a few months, just ran a 5k yesterday, and am busy, busy with life. It won't take me so long next time. I promise.  
Also, don't hate me at the end of this chapter.  
And it's really short. I have another in the works, though, so it should only be a week and a half or so between updates this time. I'll get better at this. I solemnly swear.  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.  
****Please review.**

* * *

**You Are My Constant: Chapter Three.  
**

I resisted the urge to laugh in Sirius' face. The words 'Potter' and 'grown up' don't belong in the same century, let alone sentence! "Excuse me?"

He just looks me straight in the eye and doesn't blink. "You know what I said, Evans."

Annnnd, we're back to the last names. That was short lived. I snort in disbelief and roll my eyes, "That boy will never change. He's an immature toerag and always will be. Nothing will change, Sirius. Even with this position. Heaven knows how he managed to fool Dumbledore..."

I could - and would - have continued for a great deal longer, but I caught a glimpse of Sirius' face. It was both furious and saddened at the same time. What was with people and being discouraged about Potter? The only thing I can think of is that he's so far down the path of being a trickster that there's no hope for him to ever become a respectable, grown up, mature person.

His poor mother.

I voice this thought, "I feel bad for her, you know - James' mum. It must be a tiring thing to be his mother."

Sirius is silent for a long time and we both stare at our hands. He doesn't say anything more and the rest of detention passes in silence. We both take the well worn path up to the castle and to Gryffindor Tower.

As we come to the Fat Lady's portrait, Sirius reaches out and and grabs my arm, pulling me to a stop. "I think she's proud of him." I look confused. "What?"  
"James' mum," he clarifies. "I think she's proud of him. He _has_ grown up a lot. You don't see him, Lily. You see what you want to see. Try and look past the James you've known for the past six years. Focus on the James he is now."

I frown and nod slightly. "I'll try, but no promises. And this doesn't mean I _like_ him. I still think he's an idiot."

Sirius grins and laughs, "Heaven forbid that you actually like James." He gives me a hug. I don't hug back, I just stand there awkwardly as he squeezes the breath out of me. "Night, Lily. Sleep well."

I nod and watch him disappear into the portrait hole. Sirius Black is a walking contradiction. Everything about him points to prankster, but here he is, a super sweet boy who looks out for his friends.

I know one Marauder I was wrong about.

The other two, however, I'm not wrong about. I'm not. Peter Pettigrew is a tag along and James Potter is a prat.

I mentally slap myself. I promised I would look past his (many) flaws and try and see the person buried (deeply) underneath. And Lily Anne Evans is nothing but a woman of her word.

* * *

**Heads Common Room**  
**2:30am - September 3rd**

I'm tired. There's absolutely no denying that. I slept a little after coming in from detention. A little more than two hours, I think. It wasn't a pleasant sort of sleep, but the sort that's filled with tossing and turning and nightmares.

It was an old nightmare. One that I had had when I was little. Petunia used to come into my room and sit with me when I had them. She would hold my hand and tell me stories. Slowly, I would drop back off to sleep, but here there's no Petunia - and even if there was, I don't think she would be willing to hold my hand and tell me a story. She'd probably say I'm too big for such childish nonsense.

And so here I am. It's two-thirty-three in the morning and I'm wide awake. I curl up in the corner of the window seat and pull my fuzzy purple blanket around me. I look out the window and out over the grounds. It's dark out and the moon is only a small sliver in the sky. I'm just drifting back to sleep when I hear a quiet, "Evans?"

I look up into the concerned face of James Potter. He looks about as tired as I feel and he's stifling a yawn. "Yes, Potter?" I say groggily, while rubbing my eyes.

"You're falling asleep in the common room, Evans."

Thank _you_, Captain Obvious. "I had a nightmare."

Wait. How did that slip out? I didn't mean to say that. Potter doesn't need to know anything about that. Clearly my lack of sleep is clouding my judgement.

Potter nods thoughtfully. "When I was little my mum used to make me peppermint hot chocolate to make me feel better." He strokes his chin, staring off into space. He snaps back to attention. "Well, come along, Evans. We're getting hot chocolate from the kitchens."

He disappears up the stairs and returns with a jumper and a piece of parchment. "Can you keep a secret, Lily?" His eyes are twinkling.

Bad, bad, bad twinkling. I hate twinkling.

I nod. "How old do you think I am? Five?" I scoff. "Of course I can keep a secret."

He grins and for a moment I see the Potter of first year. "Great. Let's go, then."

"Potter," I growl. "I only said that I can keep a secret, not that I'm going to the kitchens. That's against the rules. I don't do rule breaking." I cross my arms and glare at him. My lack of sleep also causes me to be grouchy. It's not my fault.

"Relax, Evans," he says. "You're not going to get caught."

I raise an eyebrow. "Can you guarantee that?"

* * *

"Admit it, Lily," he says, grinning at me over his steaming mug of hot chocolate. "You're impressed with my trouble evading ways."

I scowl. "This was only one time, Potter. And we almost ran right into McGonagall. Don't tell me that that classifies as evading trouble. We could have been expelled had we been caught." I'm not really mad at him, but to make it to seventh year and then be expelled because we wanted hot chocolate seems to be a little silly to me.

James laughs at me. "We wouldn't get expelled. At least, you wouldn't. I might. The worst that would happen is losing our badges." He takes a sip of his cocoa and when he sets the mug down he has a chocolate mustache.

Here, in the shelter of the kitchen, I think that maybe - just _maybe_ - I was wrong about James Potter; that he's not a prat, that we could be friends.

"Sirius asked a favor of me after detention last night," I say, hands wrapped around my mug. I scoot my chair closer to the hearth and stare into the flames.

"Hold on a second, Evans," says Potter in disbelief. "_Sirius_? Since when do you call my best mate by his first name?"

I wave a hand in dismissal. "Last night. In detention." I take a small sip of my cocoa. "He asked me to be friends with you." I look over at him. He's scowling into the fire and mumbling about something.

He sit up straight and transfers his hard look to me, "Did he give his reasons for wanting you to be my friend?"

I hesitate. I don't know how much of our conversation Sirius wants repeated, although to me it sounded harmless enough. "Well, no," I finally say, looking away from him. "No. He didn't."

"Don't lie, Evans," he says coldly. "I think I'll be heading back to bed now." He stands up and sets his mug down with a loud thump on the counter and then storms out of the kitchen, slamming the portrait behind him.

Everything is silent now, except for the occasional crackle of the fire. I don't move. I just stare into the fire and somehow, all of my tiredness is gone. I'm wide awake and I don't think sleep will be happening anytime soon. I stare into the fire until it's dawn and the House Elves start to bustle around the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the Great Hall.

When it's nearly eight, I snag a scone off of a tray and leave the kitchen, going back to the Head's Dorm to get ready for the day. I dress and do my hair mechanically, applying my makeup out of habit alone.

After stabbing myself in the eye with my mascara twice and rebuttoning my blouse three times, I'm finally ready for whatever the day throws at me. I go down to the great hall just in time to see Sirius Black storm out, his usually - yes, I admit it - attractive features screwed up into an angry scowl. He pushes past me and nearly knocks me over.

The entire Great Hall is staring at the standing figure of James Potter who has just finished yelling at his best mate, wondering what happened to cause the two trouble makers to fight and one of them to leave the Hall.

The Great Hall might be wondering about it, but I know exactly what happened. And it's all my fault.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN:** What is this madness!? Two chapters in one week?! Somebody must be procrastinating on essays that need writing. ;) Anyhow, another short one, but I wanted to get it uploaded for ya'll since I'll be off the radar for the next week or so. When I come back there should be a mammoth chapter to post (6k+), but that's if everything goes well and I write my essays. *grin*  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**  
**Please review.**

* * *

**You Are My Constant. Chapter Four. **

I spend the rest of the day moping and barely pay attention in any of my classes, much to the Professors' dismay.

I don't know why the fact that Sirius and Potter are no longer friends bothers me so much, but it does. I'm annoyed that I played a part in it, although perhaps now the school will have a little peace. I know I really should tell Potter the truth, but part of me feels as though it's not something that Sirius would want shared.

Something happened to Potter over the summer. Something big that made even his best friend say that he had grown up. I need to know what happened, so I find the one person who knows everything about Pureblood society.

Alice.

I find her in the library, surrounded by an enormous pile of book, doing homework. "Alice," I say. She looks up from her book at me. "Did something happen to Potter this summer? He's acting a bit off."

She looks at me weirdly and blinks, "Why the sudden fascination with James? I was kidding about you liking him."

Some best mate. Making a cruel joke like that and not telling me she was joking. Again, I need to give her the friendship manual. "People just keep telling me he's grown up," I say vaguely. "Are you _sure _nothing happened over the summer?"

Alice gives a little huff of impatience. "Lily. Even if something did happen over the summer, I wouldn't be the one you need to ask about it. Ask James." She looks back down at her book and starts mumbling something about Gamp's Law. I decide now is a good time to stage a quick retreat to my common room. Gamp's Laws of Elemental Transfiguration and I are _not _simpatico.

I huff and flop into an arm chair. Nobody will tell me what's wrong with Potter. Well, nobody meaning Alice. I can't exactly interrogate the entire student body. I don't think it would look good in my school records. I sit and think for a long time. I don't know what to do. It's my fault that the most popular group in Hogwarts is no longer speaking to each other.

I wonder if there's a way to fix this.

If there is, I'll do it.

Anything! No matter what it is. Even if it's going out with Potter!

...

Okay. Maybe I won't do _anything_. I won't go out with Potter. I don't want the Marauders back together that badly. I'm not desperate, nor will I allow myself to go out with a boy I don't even like as a friend. Nope. Not doing it.

I ignore the growling of my stomach and stay in the common room over dinner, not really caring if Alice worries. It's selfish, I know, but I just want to wallow in my depression for a while. I poke my growling stomach, "Shut up, you." It growls even more and I pull myself up out of the chair. Looks like my stomach does not approve of wallowing in depression. I'm going to dinner.

I walk to the Great Hall slowly, trying to avoid Alice and Potter and everyone else. I'm not interested in talking to anyone and I'm more than happy to tell people off if they start. I chose a seat that's isolated from the remaining Marauders and Alice and help myself to a large slice of roast beef. I stare at the wood grain for the umpteenth time in the three days we've been back at school. I think this table will be my best friend by the time the school year ends.

I take a bite and chew slowly. Somebody sits down across from me. I don't look up or acknowledge them. I chew and swallow slowly and act like nobody's there.

"Ya know," says a very familiar voice, "when somebody sits down it's common courtesy to say hello."

I look up at Black, who is watching me, hair as immaculate as always. "I don't have any of that anymore."

He snorts, "Obviously." He stabs a piece of roast beef off the platter and begins to eat it. "So, what's got your knickers in a twist?"

I feel my face go red at the mention of my knickers. "Nothing."

Sirius raises an eye brow, "Clearly it's something."

"I said _nothing_." This boy doesn't know the meaning of the word apparently. Either that or he's incredibly stubborn. Maybe it's both. I glare at him.

"Oh-_ho,_" he says. There's a dangerous look on his face and I know nothing good is going to come of this conversation. "You're not all torn up because a certain Head Boy and I aren't speaking, are you, Evans?" He grins wolfishly at me.

I continue to glare, "I couldn't care less about you and _Potter_."

He laughs, "I can't believe this. I just can't. You're upset that James and I aren't speaking."

"Well it's my fault," I protest. "James thinks that something's going on between you and I. I don't know what, but he thinks that you're telling me something about him or bribing me to be friends." I throw my hands up in the air. "I don't know what the hell I did, but he's mad at me and you for it."

The Great Hall is empty now, except for a few Professors and the odd student or two that came in late. It's just me and Sirius, having this rather barmy conversation while we eat.

"Evans," says Sirius, "that argument that James and I had was a long time coming. You had nothing to do with it. It's not your fault."

I frown, "What was it about then?"

"Don't worry about it," he says, shaking his head. For the second time in as many days, Sirius Black looks as serious as his name. "I might be hanging about more often than not now, though. I don't think this one will blow over quite so fast as previous disagreements."

Humph. That was very helpful. I'm much too nosy for my own good. Maybe I can wheedle the source of the argument out of Remus later on. Or intimidate it out of Peter. "If you say so, Black," I reply. "Why are you sitting here anyway? Don't you have first years to torture or something else equally as against the rules to do?"

He stares at me like I've grown multiple heads or am transforming into the Giant Squid. "Is the Head Girl condoning the torture of ickle firsties?" He places a large sweaty palm on my forehead. "Are you sick?" He gasps. "You're an impostor! What have you done with Lily Anne Evans?"

I bat his hand away and stick my tongue out at him, "Well, if I had just lost my best mate in an argument, no doubt I would be in a foul enough mood to hex a first year or two." I'm absolutely dying to know what caused such an explosive 'breakup' between the two friends. "You really won't tell me what's going on?"

The playful look drops off of Sirius' face. "Leave it alone, Evans. It doesn't concern you." He pushes his plate away and stands up. "Well, I'm off to do that bit of Potions homework in the library. Come and join me?"

I shake my head, "I've already done it. Last week, when it was assigned."

He laughs at me, "You would, Evans." And then he's walking off, out the door, and I'm left sitting by myself at the otherwise empty Gryffindor table.

* * *

I sit in the nearly empty Great Hall until the platters of food disappear and the few students that were left are leaving. I stand up and stomp my foot a few times. It seems that in the time I was sitting down, my foot fell asleep. Lovely. A tingling sensation shoots up and down my leg as I stomp the offending appendage, trying to restore feeling to it. I hate it when this happens.

Once my foot is back to normal, I return to the Heads Common Room and flop into my chair by the fire. I'm so engrossed in my thoughts that I don't even notice James Potter sitting in the chair opposite me, scribbling on a piece of parchment like his life depended on it. "What's that?" I ask.

He looks up at me, startled. He looks a bit like a deer in the headlights. "Potions," he replies shortly.

I nod slowly. "Sirius is working on that in the library if you need help."

He glares at me and returns to his parchment without responding. There's a silence that continues for several long moments. I stare past Potter at the already lit fire.

Fire has always mesmerized me. Ever since I was a little girl and my dad would start the fire on the first day of autumn to warm the house, filling it with the smoky scent of burning logs. I would sit by the fire for hours and fall asleep while watching it. It brings back times when I went camping in the backyard with Petunia and we roasted marshmallows over the fireplace. I'm silent for a long time, just watching the flames crackle and the logs disintegrate before my eyes.

James eventually gets up and leaves, but I remain by the fire. Sometime, later in the evening, I pull out a parchment of my own and write a letter to my family. It's much too late when I'm done to go to the owlry and so I simply go to bed, intending to post the letter in the morning.

* * *

_Dear Mum and Dad,_

_Hogwarts is as beautiful as ever, although this year I love it even more than before. It's hard to believe that in a few short months my entire magical schooling will be over. _

_My fellow Head is none other than James Potter - the git I've complained about so many times over the year. This year though, I've been told that he's grown up and that I need to give him a second chance. Second chances are hard to give, especially to people like Potter. I know what you'll say, Mum. "Second chances are Heaven's way of giving us a new start." But this is something I don't know if I can do. He's pranked me and publicly humiliated me so many times over the years. This year seems to be different though, he barely speaks to me and is upset with both me and his best friend, Sirius. Sirius tells me that I have no part in the argument, but I still think otherwise. It's too coincidental that the day after I start getting along with Sirius, James is fighting with him. What do I do, Mum? I've been told to leave it alone and not meddle, but I feel as though this fight is my fault. I'm confused._

_Dad, you'll be happy to know that no boys have approached me yet this year. Don't worry about me. I know a killer hex that I've been dying to try out. I makes your bogeys turn into bats and attack you. No boys will mess with me._

_Tell Petunia hello for me and that I love her. How's she doing, by the way? Still dating the walrus? I really don't understand what she sees in him. He's so boring!_

_Anyhow, it's late and I've got to be going to bed now._

_Lots of love,_

_Lily_


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** I apologize for how long it's been between updates. I don't really have a good excuse except that I had midterms and then I participated in NaNoWriMo. And I had the worse class ever, in which I wrote essays on fighting in hockey (which I support) and gun control (which I oppose) for my teacher...who was a pacifist. It was torture to say the least. But to quote everyone's favorite Hobbit, I'm back. I'm planning on sticking around here for awhile too, so there shouldn't be such a long gap between updates anymore.  
**Enjoy and please review.  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**You Are My Constant - Chapter Five.**

The next few weeks pass by quickly. They're filled with nothing but lessons and homework and, dare I say this and jinx myself (and thus bring his horrible presence back upon me), a delightful lack of Potter. He's still angry at me - and at Sirius. However, Black and I are close. We're friends of sorts, almost as good of friends as Alice and I are. We're both insane, to be honest. And he brings out a side of me that I didn't know existed.

I giggle uncontrollably as we walk through the halls. It's well past curfew, but Sirius insisted that I go out after hours at least once in my Hogwarts years. It's all still and quiet and the silence is a little unsettling, but our laughter often breaks it and seems to make everything feel okay. Like there isn't something out there, outside of school; that everything's safe and fine and that there isn't anything to worry about. We're safe here.

"Something funny, Evans?" asks Sirius, grinning and baring his wolfish canine teeth.

I shake my head. "I can't believe I'm doing this." I add a skip to my walk every few paces and bounce around him in circles. "I never knew that breaking rules was this fun."

He raises an eyebrow. "You've been in detention though."

I wave a dismissive hand and settle back into walking next to him, arms interlocked. "Mostly for hexing or starting a fight with James."

To be completely honest, which is something that often times I am not (not that I lie or anything, it's just that I withhold certain parts of the truth if it's not necessary for the other person to know), all of my detentions have come from fighting with James Potter. We're sort of enemies, if that even applies still. He's different, that much I've been told this year, but I don't know why. Nobody seems to find that little piece of knowledge beneficial for me to know. He's not different in the physical or even maturity sense. He's just _different_. I don't really have any other way to put it than he's changed.

Or something changed him.

Sirius snorts. "You called him James."

"You asked me to," I shoot back.

"Touche," he says, "but I never thought that you'd actually do it."

I shrug. "I mostly do it mentally. That way you don't get a chance to gloat." I elbow him in the gut. "It would only serve to inflate your ego and then you'd end up like Potter."

He snorts again. "Not bloody likely."

I pull away and tug on his arm to make him slow down and stop. "What happened between the two of you? You were friends for six years. Hell, you were more like brothers." I cross my arms and tap my foot impatiently. "I want to know, Sirius, and we're not going anywhere until you tell me."

He looks slightly uncomfortable. "I don't really think I-"

I use my Potter glare. "Tell me. _Now_."

He holds up his hands in surrender and then his shoulders slump forward and he shoves his hands into his pockets. "You're not to repeat this to anyone. I want the promise of your silence. And you're not going to try to fix this, Lils. You're not getting involved. Those are my terms if you're so dead set on knowing everything."

I mime zipping my lips and throwing away the key.

"Well," he says slowly, dragging the word out. "Long story short, something happened this summer and James is changed. I can't tell you about that. And now." He runs a hand through his normally perfect hair, mussing it a bit; a sign that shows just how agitated he is. "Well, now he's convinced that I have a thing for you."

I burst out laughing. I can't contain it and I can't stop. It just keeps coming. Hysterically and getting louder as Sirius just stand there awkwardly.

"Glad to know that you care about me," he says dryly.

Tears stream down my face and I can't stop laughing. "Surely you're joking," I say between spurts of laughter. "Nobody in their right might would put me and you together."

He huffs, "I'll have you know that I'm Hogwarts' number one bachelor." He crosses his arms and pouts like a child.

"Sure," I say skeptically. "But really? You and me? Potter is even more daft than I thought he was."

Sirius shrugs and scowls at me playfully. "I'm hurt, Evans, that you would dismiss our love so quickly." He gets down on his knees and hold his arms out towards me, "Please don't do this. Don't deny that we're in love. It will forever crush my heart and soul."

He pretends to faint and I decide to play along, "Oh Sirikins, I _do_ love you, but I fear that my love for another overpowers the love that I have for you." I pretend to wipe away tears.

We're so wrapped up in our 'love' that we don't realize that there's someone else here with us until it's too late. Sirius notices him first and all of the color drains from his face. "James," he says quietly.

I knit my brows together. "What?"

There's a cough from behind me and I grimace. "_Oh_."

Sirius shakes his head slightly.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Potter asks coldly. There's no emotion betrayed in his voice and any snide remark I was going to make disappears. He just looks old in this moment, like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and my mothering side kicks in.

"Are you alright, Potter?" I ask instead of answering his question.

He only fixes me with a harsh stare. I cower slightly and garb Sirius' hand. Definitely not my best move, because his eyes dart down to where Sirius and I are joined and his glare deepens. Oops? "Fan-bloody-tastic."

Obviously this is sarcasm.

"Mate," begins Sirius, "we were just on our way to the kitchens."

This is news to me. I didn't even know that we had a purpose for this little jaunt after hours. I thought we were just doing it for the sake of breaking rules and turning me into a complete rebel. Apparently Sirius just wanted to satisfy his enormous appetite. Humph.

James just continues to glare. "Really? Because it sounded like you were declaring your unending love for each other." He crosses his arms.

James Potter is acting like a small child again. For someone that people continually tell me has grown up, he's being very childish and pouty. "Potter," I growl. "Sirius and I are _friends_. You know, the people you hang out with and do homework with?"

"That's what they all say," he says rudely. "If you're going to the kitchens, you'd better get moving. Otherwise I'm handing out detentions."

Sirius tugs on our interlocked hands. "Come on, Lils."

I stamp my foot and glare at James. "You go, Sirius. I have something to take care of and then I need to go to bed."

Potter rolls his eyes and Sirius walks away. "What is it, Evans? I have rounds to complete."

I continue to glare, but remain silent. Potter shifts his weight from foot to foot awkwardly. I clear my throat. "Can we start over?" He opens his mouth to say something. "I'm not saying that you and Sirius become friends again right away, but you and me. Can we begin again and be friends?"

There's a long silence and I look down at the ground, studying my shoes. He sighs and I look up at him.

"Fine," he says finally.

I smile. "Thank you," I say softly and he just nods.

* * *

Whoever had the idea to be out so late last night needs to be killed. Preferably slowly and painfully. I have a pounding headache and I can barely keep my eyes open during class. I'm never doing that again. I need my sleep too much.

I rest my had on the table as I wait for Alice to finish her breakfast. She's prattling on about something and I zone out, closing my eyes and trying to pretend that I'm back in bed, snuggled under my fluffy blankets. I nearly drift off when she stabs me in the ribs.

With a _fork_.

"Lily," she whines. "You're not paying attention to me."

I open one eye and groan. "That hurt, you know."

She frowns. "I feel like I don't see you anymore. You're always with Sirius now."

This is true. For the past three or four weeks Sirius and I have been inseparable. Mostly because his best mate hates his guts and mine has a boyfriend who she likes to snog. I remain silent and shut my eye again.

"That's it," she says, poking me repeatedly in the ribs. "We're having a girls night."

I groan again and sit up, fully awake now and ready to try and get myself out of another late night. "But Alice-"

She crosses her arms and raises an eyebrow at me. "No buts, Lily. We're having a girls night and you're going to be there." She pauses. "Actually. I'll be there. We can't let that fancy head's dorm of yours go to waste."

Even better. I let my head fall back to the table with a thunk. "Lovely."

I hear Alice stand up and pick up her book bag. "I'm heading to class now. Are you coming, Lily?" I don't answer. She stands there for a few more minutes and then says, "O-kay then. I'll see you tonight."

And then she's gone and I'm left on my own at the table. I really just want to go back to sleep, but I do have to get to classes. I think that Professor Leech would skin alive me and then _Avada_ my butt if I was even a few moments too late for class. I force myself to sit up. The Great Hall is almost empty. There are only two other people sitting at the Gryffindor table. A first year who's name escapes me and James bloody Potter.

I grab a scone and stand up. I head down the hall to where Potter is and sit down across from him. He looks up in surprise. "Oh. Hello, Evans."

I nod to him. "Potter." I don't know why I came down here to sit with him. Maybe because he and Sirius aren't talking anymore and it's kind of my fault. Or maybe because for some unknown reason he looked incredibly tired and sad and just _lonely_. "Alice is going to spend the night in our dorm, if that's okay. She wants to have a girls night of sorts." I roll my eyes to make my thoughts on the subject very clear.

He cracks a small smile. "Good luck with that. I suppose that means you won't be sneaking out to go to the kitchens tonight."

I groan. "I'm never going to live that down, am I?" The fact that the perfect Head Lily Evans has snuck out is something that could send the entire school into shock. In fact, Professor Slughorn's mustache might just fall off if he ever found that his Lovely Lily had been the school breaking rules. That mental image brings a small smile to my face.

"Nope," says Potter smugly. "I don't intend to ever let you forget that this time it was you breaking rules and me that caught you." He takes another slice of bacon. "Feel like breaking another rule?"

I look at him, trying to judge how large of an offense this would be. "Depends on the rule."

He shrugs. "Just skipping out on a lesson."

I bite my lip and debate it. I really don't want to go to class. I look up and meet his eyes. They're challenging and I don't think that he thinks I'm going to go for it. And that makes me reckless. "Let's do it, then."

He nods and smiles again. "I didn't think you had it in you, Lily. What would dear old Sluggy say to this?"

Images of his mustache dropping off in shock come back to mind and I chortle. "Fall over because of the scandal of it all, I suppose," I say airily. "Not that it matters. I'm his Lovely Lily and do no wrong in his mind."

Potter stands up and grabs his bag. "True. You ready to do this, Miss Evans?" His eyes are twinkling and for a split second my conscious reminds me that I've never missed class for something other than illness before and that there's no need to start now.

I push those thoughts away and stand up, smirking. "I was born ready, Potter."

* * *

We spend the day in our dorm. We're slightly productive, as I forced James to go over all the Prefect schedules and other head duties. He was horrible about it at first, saying that only I would want to skip class to do more work. I told him that it would help to build character. He agreed to do it so long as I let him have the entire couch to himself. That was something simple, so I agreed to it.

We didn't go down to dinner. Neither of us were very hungry, so we just sat in the dorm and talked. It was awkward at first. No, scratch that. It was more than awkward. It was like being tortured and not wanting to give up any information at first. Eventually, after a few hours and countless jokes, we became a little less guarded around each other. That's not to say that I trust Potter completely and he's my new best mate, but he has changed and I don't completely hate his company anymore. He's a sort of friend now. Almost like how Sirius and I were at first, although this is more dangerous for me. He's hurt me so many times and humiliated me countless other times.

He and I are like fire and ice, but we're built out of the same strong determination and we both want to fight. We're both applying for the Auror division of the Ministry after Hogwarts. This seemed to shock James a bit and I have a feeling that he wasn't totally alright with me going after Dark Wizards.

"Huh," he says. "I would have thought that you would be doing something with Potions. That's what Slughorn would want you to do."

There's a silence and then I answer, "No, I want to catch the people who are targeting Muggleborns and help make the world safer for people who are like me."

Potter nods. "That's admirable enough." He looks slightly frustrated and it seems like there's something else on the tip of his tongue, but he's forcing himself to keep it to himself. "It's not very safe out there, you know. The Prophet and the Ministry is trying to keep it quiet, but something's out there. Something big."

I shrug. "That danger isn't going to put me off this, James. I'm going to do this. For me and every other Muggleborn out there."

He runs a hand through his hair. "I know," is all he says, quietly and I almost don't hear him and then he repeats himself, "I know, Lils."

I open my mouth to say something else, but the portrait hole flings open and there's Alice, short hair messy and parchments sticking out of her bag. She stumbles in and almost trips over her own feet. That's my Alice. Always the clumsy one.

"Where were you today, Lily?" she asks once she rights herself again. She lets her bag fall to the ground and then shoves a napkin towards me. "There was roast beef at dinner tonight, so I grabbed you a slice since I know it's your favorite."

I take the meat and set it on the coffee table. It is my favorite and suddenly my appetite returns full force and my stomach growls loudly. James laughs and pokes it. I slap his hand away. "Bugger off, Potter." I mock glare and he laughs even more.

Alice looks between the two of us in shock. "Did I miss something important here?"

James and I share an amused look. He raises his eyebrows and I mouth '_play along_' to him. "Alice dear, you didn't hear?"

She looks at me suspiciously. "Hear what?"

James takes my hand and bats his eyelashes at her. "That Lily dearest and I are finally together. She admitted that all along she's been head over heels in love with me and wants to spend the rest of eternity by my side."

Alice's mouth drops open and she looks between the two of us. This was so worth the slightly awkward position it puts James and I's short friendship. "Oh. My. Merlin. You're not joking, are you?"

I stifle a laugh. "Nope. Jamesie and I are definitely together." I beam at him sappily and he leans forward until we're almost kissing. Suddenly, I am not okay with this. I pull away quickly. "Just kidding, Alice! We're not together. We were working on Head Duties." I make the words 'head duties' sound much more important than they actually are.

James looks slightly hurt, but covers it up extremely well. "Right. Head Duties." He runs a hand through his hair and musses it even more. "And you two are having your girl night, so I'll just be going."

Alice is frowning and still looks between James and I as if there's something there, but she just can't figure out what it is. "Well. We'll see you later then, James," she says perkily. She then rummages in her bag and pulls out a box and says in a sing-song voice, "I brought Bertie Bott's!"

I want to say something to James. Maybe that I didn't really not like him anymore. That I was glad that we were friends, but I don't. I bite my tongue and force myself to smile at Alice. I can already tell that it's going to be a long night.


End file.
